feeling happier now..but realizing it is only temporary. it's strange when you get the things you want but are still unsatisfied. things never play out the way you want them to. things never stay the same. sometimes i hate myself and i wish i were different. i get shy around certain people..people who i really like and want to like me too. i shouldn't do that and it's so stupid but it's my only reaction. it's like i become dumbfounded with nothing to say. i think that's my problem, i just never have anything to say. unless i'm drunk then i just say stupid shit but at least i'm funny then. i don't know. i love myself around those who love me too and know how i am. all my entries are depressing compared to before but i guess that's the only reason i'm writing this.