tonight was so strange. to be in the same room as someone whom you love dearly and have been so close to for 5 years, and have them ignore you as if you don't exist. to look the other way without any sign of interest. to walk right by you with no hesitation in their stride. after five years this is how it's going to be? i haven't changed. i'm the same person, can't you see that? i just want it to be us again. don't you miss that? how could you not? i can't imagine it..

i can't even describe the angst of being avoided by you. you made me feel like a complete failure, like a terrible person when i have done nothing to deserve this. i'm always putting the blame on myself for other people's actions. i need to quit doing that because it's widdling away at my heart. after being avoided the entire night, you turn around and beg me to come to your place. and like the weak pessimist i am, i'd oblige.