i hate to write down horrible things i am thinking in fear that they are real. there is always that brick wall in your brain that tries to block these thoughts from your eyes. only seeing is believing. my cat that i have had for like 15 years has cancer and will be put down tomorrow. i am dying inside, i have a huge lump in my throat. It's the end of a comfort, a security. so many things are going on with me right now. i don't know who i am anymore, i don't recognize myself. how does your mind, your opinions, your morals, change so quickly? Not that they change but they are suddenly forgotten so easily. i am not that girl. what is wrong with me? i need to concentrate on what's important..my priorities are so fucked up.